


The Great Teddy Bear Battle

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Fluff, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post War, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-29
Updated: 2010-06-29
Packaged: 2018-10-27 12:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10808616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Mr Toodles is Hermione's favourite childhood toy. Snape is jealous.





	The Great Teddy Bear Battle

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Not-so-teenyfic written for mickat24, who asked for "Snape/Hermione! Something sweet and mushy. And yet funny and snarky and dry. Involving... A teddy bear!" This is my first time writing this pairing. There's fluff and Snape in the same sentence, so possibly quite OOC.

“What is...this?” Snape asked, staring at the object on the bed with distaste. “It wasn’t there this morning.”

“That’s because I brought it with me along with the rest of my things.” Hermione glanced up from the toiletries she was arranging on the vanity table. “That’s Mr Toodles, my old teddy bear.” Straightening from the vanity, she crossed over to the bed and rubbed her fingers fondly across the top of the bear’s head. “I’ve had him since I was four years old. I took him to Hogwarts with me. He’s been everywhere I’ve been.”

“I suppose next you’ll say that moth-eaten bundle of rags is your best friend and truest companion,” Snape said dryly.

“Well, yes,” Hermione replied. She was still stroking and squeezing the bear, when she ought to have been doing the same with _him_. Snape harrumphed, refusing to admit he was jealous of a plush animal. “He knows all my secrets.”

“Does he.” Snape looked again at the bear, his distaste deepening to loathing. “I’ll be sure to mention that to Potter and Weasley when next we see them.”

“Ron still collects those _Martin the Mad Muggle_ comics,” Hermione said, unperturbed. “He’ll understand, at least a little. Harry, unfortunately, doesn’t have a sentimental bone in his body. Ron has enough for both of them.” She finally looked up from that dratted bear, her fond smile now focused on Snape. “A bit like the two of us, wouldn’t you say?”

Snape harrumphed again.

The following evening Hermione emerged from the bath, towel-drying her hair. Snape was already in bed, lying atop the duvet in his dressing gown, reading a book. Hermione smiled at him before her gaze flicked to her side of the bed. The smile quickly transformed into a frown.

“Where’s Mr Toodles?”

“I put the bear in the attic, where he belongs.” Snape refused to refer to the thing by its name. “You are no longer a child, and it’s past time you put away childish things. Don’t you have – better – things with which to snuggle now?”

“It’s not the same, Severus, and you know it!” Hermione scurried from the room, fairly crackling with outrage, and Snape sighed. There probably would be no snuggling or anything else tonight; but if it meant being rid of that mouldy old toy, he could forego a night or two of cuddling before Hermione saw sense.

Over the course of the following two weeks, Snape went from hiding the damned bear in the attic, to hiding it within various trunks in the attic, to hiding it in his potions lab. It never vanished longer than a day or two before he found it back on their bed, resting on Hermione’s pillow and seeming to look at Snape with sorrowful reproach in its beady glass eyes while he hunted for a new hiding spot.

Worse, there was no sex during that period, nor was there snuggling or cuddling. After the first week even the good-night kiss became an event of increasing rarity.

“I can’t believe you’re jealous of a teddy bear!” Hermione declared one morning during breakfast. “Maybe it’s a piece of my childhood, but _I’ll_ be the one to decide when it’s time to put Mr Toodles to pasture, not you!”

“Perhaps I simply do not wish to share our bed with a bit of moth-eaten carpet!” Snape snapped, his tone decidedly peevish. “Does that thing _have_ to stay on our bed?”

“I could keep him on the bedside table.” Hermione spread some marmalade on her toast. “Or on the vanity. Would that please you? Would that keep you from sticking him in the attic?”

“I’ll think about it.” Snape drained his teacup and stood. “I have to go, or else I’ll be late for the seminar.”

“Have fun,” Hermione said distantly, and Snape bit back another sigh, something that had quickly become habit ever since the teddy bear entered his life. Apparently kisses good-bye had also joined the rubbish heap along with snuggling, good-night kisses, and sex. Harrumphing, Snape Apparated away.

The seminar lasted late into the afternoon, and Snape was in a foul humour when he returned, tired of listening to dunderheaded arguments regarding theories long since dismissed as hogwash. Sometimes he wondered whether or not anyone of any real intelligence remained in the potion-making community. Today had not been a persuasive argument in favour of it.

Shrugging off his robes, Snape frowned when he saw the stupid bear perched on Hermione’s pillow. What had happened to putting it on the vanity, or the bedside table? Oh yes, he’d said he’d consider it. Perhaps he’d do that following a nap, which would hopefully put him in a better temper before Hermione came home from work.

Stretching out on the bed, Snape quickly fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione’s expression at dinner that evening was curiously close to triumphant. Snape was instantly suspicious.

“I want to show you something.” Hermione pushed a photograph across the table. “I snapped that this afternoon.”

Snape looked at the photo and blanched. “What spell...?”

“I assure you, it’s not a spell.” Hermione scooted around the table, resting her head on Snape’s shoulder. “I think it’s sweet.”

Snape looked again at the photo, clearly picturing him asleep on their bed, his arms wrapped securely around Mr Toodles. “I never...”

“Oh, I assure you, you did.” Hermione’s smile widened. “The bear stays. It would be a shame if Harry or Ron found this when they stop by this weekend, wouldn’t it? This can be our secret.”

Snape could only imagine Harry and Ron’s reactions, each more humiliating than the last, and reluctantly conceded defeat. “The bear stays,” he said sourly. “On the vanity.”

“Thank you, Severus!” Hermione threw her arms around him, kissing him soundly on the mouth before pulling him out of his chair. “I think this deserves a proper celebration, don’t you think?”

Losing did have its benefits after all, Snape thought as Hermione led him to their bedroom. She didn’t even complain when he turned the bear’s face toward the wall. There were some things childhood toys weren’t meant to witness.


End file.
